Northern Territory: Sex and the Silly Season.

Image: Northern Territory News.

I have always had a soft spot for the NT although I have not been back there for quite a while. I generally stayed away from Darwin itself, working mainly out around the McArthur River, and Tennant Ck, and Pine Ck.

One of the great things about the place is the people, who tend to rather irreverent and fairly independently minded, something I hope has not changed. The most amusing aspect at the time was that Porky Everingham was Chief minister of a government which having delusions of relevance, was determined to improve the image of the people, railing about everything from how much they drank to their way of dressing. The people on the other hand, were quite happy to be as they were and were totally cynical on this issue and seemed to enjoy taking the piss out of them.

About now is the start of the silly season up there, and reading the paper it seems that it is very pheromone based this year:

AN arrested couple have been sprung shagging in the back of a police paddy wagon while being driven to a Territory cop station.

Hannah Walker was driving behind the police car and said she was shocked to find the couple bonking in the back when she pulled up behind them at a red light. …

"I saw the two people kissing and thought 'geez, in the back of a paddy wagon - they're keen'," she said.
Ms Walker, 18, said by the time she reached the next set of lights and got stuck behind the police car again the couple were having sex.

"It was a red light (I am not sure if this is significant) and I had to sit behind the paddy wagon for a few minutes," she said. "I couldn't believe it when I saw them just going for it.

Miss Walker seems to have followed the vehicle until it turned off at the watch house.

And another:

A MAN and a woman were charged after police interrupted their 25-minute drunken sex romp in an allegedly stolen four-wheel-drive at a Territory service station.

Their frisky bowser bonk - captured on security camera - and charges for motor vehicle theft and drink-driving could cost the duo time behind bars.

I would have thought that a bit of discretion would be the order of the day when driving pissed in a stolen car.

But it gets better:

A MAN was caught having sex while driving because he and his girlfriend could not wait until they reached their destination, a court has heard.

Bradley Dean Milne, 33, was charged with not wearing his seatbelt, driving without due care and drink-driving when a witness called police after seeing his car swerving all over the road. Darwin Magistrates Court heard that the couple were planning to drive to East Arm Wharf in the Mazda ute to have sex. ….

They turned right onto Berrimah Rd, and the woman straddled Milne while he kept driving, swerving into the kerbside and back into the middle lane.

When police stopped the car and Milne was asked why he had been drinking - with a blood alcohol concentration of .097 per cent - he said: "Come on, mate. What would you do? We were going to the wharf but we didn't quite get there."

Milne's lawyer Ian Rowbottam told the Northern Territory News last night that Milne was too embarrassed to speak about the incident again.

The odd thing about this one is that he would have been in more trouble if he had been talking to her on his mobile instead while driving, that’s a chargable offense over here. Luckily he was only having it away with her.

Then:

A TERRITORY man filmed himself speeding at 150km/h while masturbating at the wheel of his drug-laden car, a court heard.

His Holden SV6 was allegedly laden with 5kg of drugs, including two cannabis plants resting on the back seat, the court was told.

There is no information as to whether it is available on Youtube yet.

And finally:

A MAN who described himself as a "Jack of all trades'' has been fined for exposing himself and masturbating in front of a woman on a Darwin-bound flight.

Lucas Steven Knudson argued he was "just adjusting himself" because his jeans were too tight.

A hard on will do that.