These are a couple of great jokes I received while I was home. Now before you all go racing off to Factcheck or Snopes, I shall point out that I know these do the rounds and regularly change parties. When Whitlam was in office there was the prayer which went:
Whitlams my shepherd, I will not work, He leadeth me beside the still factories, …
After the next election it went:
Frasers my shepherd, I will not work, He leadeth me beside the still factories, …
It is currently doing the rounds as:
Rudd is the shepherd I did not want, …
The Pope and Kevin Rudd are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd at the AFL Grand Final.
The Pope leaned towards Mr. Rudd and said, "Do you know that with one little movement of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like those believers in a football match, but go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"
Rudd replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me"
So the Pope backhanded the bastard.
I bought a new Chevy Avalanche and returned to the dealer yesterday because I couldn't get the radio to work.
The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.
'Nelson,' the salesman said to the radio. The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?' 'Willie!' he continued and 'On The Road Again' Came from the speakers.
Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant ' Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson.
I drove away happy, and for the next few days, Every time I'd say, 'Beethoven,' I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, 'Beatles,' I'd get one of their awesome songs.
Yesterday, some guy ran a red light And nearly creamed my new truck, but I swerved in time to avoid him.
I yelled, 'Ass Hole!' Immediately the radio responded with, "Ladies and gentlemen, The President of the United States.
Damn I love this truck...