We are safe from alien invasion; Bob Brown.

Some time ago we were subject to the delicious terror of a proposed alien invasion by extraterrestrials who were supposedly furious with us over global warming to the point where they wished to wipe us out to save the universe. We had to take it seriously as the study was done by serious scientists, from Pen State and NASA associates. Of course a number of lunatic sceptics disagreed.

 All countries have their share of idiots, zealots and authoritarians, but few are unfortunate enough to get anyone like Bob Brown. Were Harry Reid to father a child from Maxine Waters, have it home schooled by Gordon Brown, Debbie Wassermann Schultz, and Rick Santorum, give it the economic skills of Paul Krugman, and the bipartisanship of Robert Mugabe, something like Bob would result, although possibly more laid back and less extreme.

 Bob is the guy who wants to shut down the entire coal industry, which along with iron ore represents the mainstay of the Australian economy. This according to Bob could be easily made up for by jobs in the areas favoured by Big Eco, alternative energy, and ecotourism.

 One thing we ‘Earthians’ have to be grateful to Bob for though is his reassuring tones during his third annual Green Oration.

 Most Earthians as you know spend our lives either fearsome of intergalactic invaders on the right of politics, while the left tends to be concerned as to why interstellar beings have not contacted us, and offered loads of free stuff.

 Bob has a theory that the reason we have not been contacted or invaded, is not that aliens have better things to do, or don’t give a damn about us, but that they have wiped themselves out by overdeveloping their planets and destroying themselves with global warming:

However, recent astronomy tells us that there are trillions of other planets circling Sunlike stars in the immensity of the Universe, millions of them friendly to life. So why has no one from elsewhere in the Cosmos contacted us? Surely some people-like animals have evolved elsewhere.  

Surely we are not, in this crowded reality of countless other similar planets, the only thinking beings to have turned up. Most unlikely! So why isn't life out there contacting us? Why aren't the intergalactic phones ringing? 

Here is one sobering possibility for our isolation: maybe life has often evolved to intelligence on other planets with biospheres and every time that intelligence, when it became able to alter its environment, did so with catastrophic consequences. Maybe we have had many predecessors in the Cosmos but all have brought about their own downfall. That's why they are not communicating with Earth. 

They have extincted themselves. They have come and gone. And now it's our turn. Whatever has happened in other worlds, here we are on Earth altering this bountiful biosphere, which has nurtured us from newt to Newton. 

If you chose to read the speech, try to remember, it is meant to be taken seriously.