Trigger warning:

This site may, in fact always will contain images and information likely to cause consternation, conniptions, distress, along with moderate to severe bedwetting among statists, wimps, wusses, politicians, lefties, green fascists, and creatures of the state who can't bear the thought of anything that disagrees with their jaded view of the world.

Jul 1, 2012

Those damn Crusader tomatoes.

Anyway, did you hear the one about the two Salafists who walk into a greengrocers and …?

As a matter of common decency on this site the mocking of the deeply held religious beliefs of others is avoided. No matter how ridiculous some of those are we attempt to treat them with a degree of courtesy and understanding. It is possible after all that one or another of them may not be wrong, and imagine the predicament the average Islamic suicide bomber will be in on reaching the Pearly Gates after blowing himself up at a Buddhist shrine if he is met by a chubby oriental guy in saffron robes.

On the other hand, there are some that are too damn silly to be left alone. It looks like Salafists in Egypt have a little too much time on their hands now that the Arab spring has come and gone and feel the need to investigate the possibility that some vegetables are prone to heresy or apostasy or worse, might be Christian, Buddhist, Jewish, or heaven forbid, Falun Gong.

Tomatoes have been outed as a blatantly Christian vegetable although there is no news yet as to which denomination they belong to. When cut across, they tend to shamelessly exhibit an
image of a cross, similar to the Croix pattée used by the Knights Templar, which may mean they are Roman Catholic. There are some grounds though, for thinking that some could be Protestants, Orthodox faiths and possibly Baptists.

Politically Incorrect reports:

However, how does the Egyptian group called “Popular Egyptian Islamic Association” actually come to their admittedly seemingly outrageous claim? They base themselves, as the Turkish “Hürriyet” newspaper among others reports, on the “fact” that a cross-like form appears when a tomato is cut into two halves. …

The association published the unbelievable warning on their own Facebook page. In addition, in order to support the argumentation, a corresponding photo was posted showing a halved tomato and the cross-like insides being “bluntly” revealed. While the users have to read: “The eating of tomatoes is prohibited. Because they are Christian. Tomatoes render homage to the cross instead of doing so to Allah.”

… Of course, the request was made to spread the photo around in as much as possible on the social network. Because Allah had allegedly appeared personally to a sister in Palestine and warned her of it consumption. In order to lend stress to the issue, it was further said: “If you do not spread this news, then it is the Devil that holds you back from doing so.”
On reflection, Muslims owing to their rather puritanical views on sex; at least in relation to keeping their females pure in mind and body, are likely to have problems with a number of the more lustful vegetables and fruits. Imagine what sort of phallic visions run through the minds of sweet young virgins as they run their fingers over the long, thick, stiff, sensuous lengths of carrots, cucumbers, bananas, and zucchinis. Perhaps a male relative should be present when they prepare a salad.

Any man knows the sort of erotic thoughts that pass through his mind as he runs his fingertips through the crisp curls of alfalfa sprouts; so reminiscent of female pubic hairs. And don’t get me started on melons and paw paws!

No comments:

Post a Comment