Image: by Baloo
The First of April is of course the time for my annual report on our activities, the date chosen for obvious reasons. Only true believers in our vast conspiracy aimed at world domination will be aware that this is dead serious.
Those who are not part of the movement should stop reading now. We will know if you don’t. That haunting feeling that someone somewhere is reading your innermost thoughts is not simply liberal paranoia as you have been led to believe. It’s real; trust me on that.
Our new mark XIII mind warper housed in the bowels of the Republican Liberty Caucus Tower in Huston TX with its enhanced HAARP connectivity is able to penetrate more than six hundred and sixty six thicknesses of industrial grade tinfoil. In short, not only do we know what you are thinking, we make you think most of it.
From the fruited plains of Iowa, the mountain majesties of Montana, through the vast widths of Texas, and internationally our movement is achieving its goals spectacularly. The nomination of Romney achieved the inevitable result of an Obama win, which in 2016 will result in Rand Paul taking control and leaving people alone.
In Australia where a longer-term strategy is in place, the Labor Party is divided and has lower polling results than several varieties of clap. They are about to be replaced by the Liberals, which means that the public will get a chance to find out that that mob are just as hopeless. Come the following election, the LDP will be poised to strike, getting rid of most aspects of government.
One little problem we have though, is the habit some of us have of ‘signing our work,’ something to be avoided in future. While we like to leave the odd clue in our work to allow members to recognise our fingerprints, it can go too far. The cigarette packet left in the image when we faked the moon landing is a glaring example.
Some of those out there who are not involved are no fools and notice these things. It is purely luck that 9 11 has not been exposed a fully as it could have been. The use of thermite and demolition charges in the Twin Towers has caused some to question whether the buildings were actually hit by aircraft. Fortunately, those who have spoken out have been dismissed as truthers and kooks.
However in a more blatant example, releasing the stupid video on our use of HAARP rays to control Hurricane Irene has left us exposed. Hubris among members is OK, but we have to avoid it other than for ‘in house’ stuff, as can be seen in the following video:
While this seems like a small thing, it is significantly more serious than that. We are supposed to be a top secret group. Imagine my discomfort the other day when the little lady went online shopping for lighting, and asked me where she could find the Illuminate shop. There as first entry on whatever she Googled was our home page.
Seriously guys, we have to take conspiracy and world domination more seriously if we are going to get where we want to go. While it is desirable for members to be able to see our presence in world events and know we are on top of things and responsible for them, we don't want everyone to know. It just doesn't work that way if we are to remain a shadowy secretive group.