TOTUS stolen; President’s silence explained
A Breitbart
report has solved the recent mystery of why President Obama fell silent for a
week, causing some to speculate that he may have been suffering from
laryngitis. It is now revealed that TOTUS (Teleprompter Of The United States,)
was stolen along with the truck it was being transported in.
White House
spokesman Jay Crony told reporters today that it is unusual to transport TOTUS
separately to the President as it is needed at all times for those occasions
when he has to make off the cuff remarks, or respond to people saying “Hi” to
him. “You have to feel for him” he
said, “its absence created the situation where he couldn’t even tell us what
the problem was.”
“Even after
it was returned it had to be taken out of service almost immediately to remove
malware that had been put into the operating system which may have been the
cause of the rather erratic statement Mr. Obama made that afternoon.”
Mr Crony was
believed to be referring to the speech made by President Obama in which he
endorsed a possible Rand Paul/Newt Gingrich ticket for 2016, and nominated Glen
Beck for inclusion into the Broadcasters Hall of Fame. This caused considerable consternation at
MSNBC.
A distraught
Chris Mathews pointed out that while he would carry out the President’s wishes,
a Rand Paul Presidency could possibly be dangerous to his health. “The effect of the President’s speeches
is OK at present while they are reasonably short, but a thirteen hour long leg
thrill could be more than my heart can stand,” he said.
Some reports
indicate that the theft was only discovered when First Lady, Michelle Obama
asked the head of President Obama’s security detail, Mr Mohammed Ali Rasheed to
investigate the absolute silence of the President over the course of several
days.
Mr Rasheed
entered the Oval Office and discovered the President on the telephone trying to
mouth words and staring bemusedly at the wall. This tipped him off that the
teleprompter was missing and an investigation got underway. It was found when the husband of a lady
who bought it in a pawn shop, reported that she was telling him off with
soaring speeches about hoping he would change.
The thief has been sentenced to seven years hard in the federal pen. AG, Eric Holder admitted that the penalty may seem harsh to some, but pointed out that the dangers caused by the President being unable to communicate, especially when the North Koreans are threatening nuclear war, and more so, when John Boehner is making a real prick of himself, cannot be overstated.
The real
story is here.
G'day Jim
ReplyDeleteI read your post and then checked that today isn't 1st of April
Sorry, Jim. I didn't bother to link to the "real story". I'm convinced this TOTUS theft is the real story.
ReplyDeleteIt's one of my attempts at satire PD. I try it occasionally, but the real master is the author of the second comment.
ReplyDeleteDamn right Bawb; I checked out your site just prior to posting as I thought you might have been all over it.