Labor’s talking points, saving time for journos.

Cartoon: By Zeg.

Labor is sticking to the story that they still have ‘full confidence in the disgraced member for Dobell, Craig Thompson. They have to, after all they cling to power with a majority of one, and that one is Craig. He appears to not only have expensive tastes, but is stupid as well. Barnaby Joyce says:

“… someone has had some big nights out thanks to the good members of the Health Services Union. … both instantaneously looked at each other when we heard it on the tele and asked what on earth does one get for $2475? If I was that way inclined, I do not think I would be slapping it on the plastic for the secretary and the missus to read!”

To maintain the party line on the issues, Labor have produced a talking points memo on what questions to expect, and what answers to give to maintain the current truth as it stands for the present. All members have to do is memorize twelve pages of answers, and remember which questions they are applicable to. If asked for example:

About the Fair work Australia investigation, answer is:

Of course many people under investigation end up with nothing to answer for; or:
Its appropriate the investigation runs its course before I comment.

If its on the NSW ALP paying his legal fees, try:

Questions on the NSW ALP’s finances should be put to the NSW ALP.

If you have full confidence in Thompson, go for:

He is a dedicated member, working hard for Dobell.

If its allegations that Thompson lobbied Central Coast Group Training, to give his ex a job, use:

I’m not across the details, but I haven’t seen many weaker front pages in my time, or:
There are investigations under way, it’s proper to let them conclude, or:
(If pushed), His ex wife didn’t get the job, so there’s not much to talk about.

After four pages on Thompson, it moves onto what to say about Abbott, death of a soldier in Afghanistan, the carbon price, power prices and so on.

After it was realised that some of their members are not too bright, and taking the independents, Oakeshott, and Windsor into account, they had to come up with a better solution. What the backroom tacticians came up with was the brilliant ploy of leaking it to the press.

This eliminates the embarrassment of a member being asked whether he has confidence in Thompson, and giving the answer meant for, “What’s your opinion of Tony Abbott?” or vice versa. When you think about it, this solves a lot of problems as well as reducing the carbon footprint of reporters.

Now, instead of traveling to the various press conferences and having to find politicians to ask them questions, all they have to do is write in the politicians name, the question, and look up the answer; simple. For a really in depth investigation, they do the same only they write in multiple names.